I’ve been feeling the urge to get back on here for a while now.

It’s been so long.

Since my last update I’ve changed jobs 3 times, moved house, and given birth.

The kid is 6 months old tomorrow. I went back to work when he was 12 weeks old out of sheer necessity, but I still haven’t really gotten my life back, such as it was. I’m not sewing, blogging, running, tweeting or really doing anything of note. I figured maybe posting here again might prompt me to try and make a bit of space for my personality to maybe sprout back through the cracks in the concrete, like the pesky dandelion that I am ;-)

Photo by re_mute

Photo by re_mute

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let it all out

The Runners

As noted recently, I don’t cry much these days, but this made me cry. If you have 12 minutes to spare today, I highly recommend you give this a look, even if you’re not interested in running.

It’s really beautiful.

Thanks to @re_mute for finding it and sharing it with me this morning.

pick yourself up

Okay. Let’s go.

go get your bags packed

Today I’m sad. I don’t quite feel the full impact of it, emotionally-anaesthetised as I am, but I know it’s there somewhere underneath. I don’t really cry any more, I just feel nauseated. What’s that about? I think I preferred the bawling.

It’s nothing major really; just another change of circumstances in a long string of changing circumstances with no end in sight. My current job (which I love) will end in December and I will move on to a new role; they can’t afford to keep me on.

I will have to prove myself all over again. And again, and again. It’s agonising. It’s terrifying. Another set of people to hoodwink. Another chance I’ll be unmasked. This time last year (to the day) I started a job that nearly finished me off. I can’t go back to feeling like that.

Coping mechanisms on a postcard…

feeme toon

It’s a good thing the gym was completely empty this morning, because this song came on when I was running:

It’s one song guaranteed to have me grinning ear to ear, because every time I hear it I think ‘I wish this was my theme tune‘ and I have to restrain myself from bursting into song and swinging around lampposts. Doesn’t matter where I am; at the train station, behind my desk, queuing for coffee – it lends itself to any scenario.

As it was I got away with the grinning and with some treadmill-based jazz hands.

The truth is usually just an excuse for lack of imagination.”¬† – Elim Garak

Luckily I didn’t fall off the treadmill, but I did manage to find an alternative way to lacerate my forehead later on, clumsy idiothole that I am.

How amazing would it be if you could somehow mentally instigate a mass Hollywood-musical type flashmob, a-la Buffy? Maybe one day I’ll make it happen, through sheer force of musical joy. Until then I’ll have to settle for it being just in my head, I suppose. Situation normal(ish).